good morning?

Can’t sleep. Stupid battery beep in the smoke detector woke me at about 3 am. Figured it was the same one that did that last week (we didn’t have a new-out-of-the-package battery so just put in one that was lying around — it worked — until now) so I opened the cover to disengage the battery. Went back to bed. Half an hour later, in my dream, I’m thinking, “Didn’t I just fix this thing?” as I hear the stupid battery beep again. Open my eyes and realise I’m not dreaming anymore and it’s still going. Aha, it’s the one outside the bathroom. I’m up, it stops. I go downstairs and get the step-stool just in case. No beeping. Back to bed.

No sleeping. Stomach turning, not quite ready to throw up but maybe. Brain spinning, unsure of being able to accomplish everything that needs doing before vacation starts Saturday morning. Unsure that vacation will afford me some rest. Stupid smoke alarm battery beeping. Out of bed, check clock: 4 am. Set up step-stool in the dark and disengage battery on 2nd smoke alarm; put step-stool away. Back to bed.

No sleeping. Calf cramps, first one, then the other, then both together. Stomach turning. Brain spinning: vacation, packing, laundry, roofers, taxes, vacation, friend who’s feeding cat & watering plants, airport limo, Auntie Shirl’s birthday card, hiding everything (mess) in house from friend who’s feeding cat & watering plants, my brother called — said he would call back and didn’t, what did he want? –, fucking calf cramps (am I drinking enough milk? what shoes did I wear yesterday? I didn’t put that bag of salad in the fridge, did I?), sunscreen, shorts, where IS the cat? Not quite ready to throw up, but getting close (maybe that pork chop WAS too pink?). Check clock: 4:47 am.

Still no sleeping. No sleeping, might as well get up.

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Categories: parenting | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “good morning?

  1. I want to tell you, breath deeply and relax. I think there is something more going on. Something pulling you up and dropping you back. Breath, in and then out. I hope you find a deep center of peace. This morning didn’t sound good.

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