yep, death sucks

My cousin died last night. She had been fighting cancer for 7 years.

We weren’t close, either in proximity or in familial feelings. Matter of fact, I probably hadn’t seen her in over 40 years. It doesn’t matter. She’s still my cousin. She was family. She suffered. She has a son. He suffered; still is suffering, as are her mother, her sister, her niece. Cancer sucks.

You know, sometimes when we lose someone suddenly, tragically, accidentally, we say “at least if they were ill we would have had a chance to say goodbye.” Saying goodbye ain’t always all it’s cracked up to be. My cousin was in the hospital for the last week, had been in and out of the hospital a number of times over the last 6 months at least, had been suffering through chemo for endless periods before that. I don’t think her prognosis had been anywhere near ‘good’ for at least the last 2 years. That’s way too much time to say goodbye.

My dad died suddenly, and that sucked. Sudden isn’t great. My brother died with time for us to say goodbye, but I don’t think I ever really did. He knew I would miss him, he knew I loved him, he knew I didn’t want to say goodbye. So he tugged on my sleeve to make sure I stayed that night he drew his last breath. That sucked, too.

Losing someone you love hurts. Whether it’s sudden or tragic or you’re forewarned doesn’t change that. The fact that my cousin is finally at peace and without pain is a good thing, but the fact that she died … well, it sucks.

Hug the people you love.

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Categories: family, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “yep, death sucks

  1. There are not good ways to die, despite what we envision there are no good ways to say good-bye. When my beloved mother of my heart died, she did so without ever waking up from a fall. We made a decision after 36 hours, she would not wake up and we would honor her DNR and Living Will, we all said good-bye and rest well.

    At her internment my father, who was suffering from Alzheimer held my hand and said to me, “I am done now.” He wept as he recognized the loss of his heart. That day he stopped taking the medications that had been holding off the the creep of Alzheimer’s, he also stopped other medications. He still had the wherewithal to make this choice for himself. I loved him, I was a Daddy’s girl all my life. Ten months and two weeks later, my beloved father was dead. I had to force my family to respect his wishes, his DNR and his Living Will, they were unhappy at the time. The get it now.

    Indeed hug the people you love.

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