thinking of you

I’ve been mulling something over in my head trying to figure out which could possibly be worse: not missing someone when they’re away or missing them when they’re present. Have you experienced either (or both) of these feelings? Both seem wrong but more importantly both, somehow, also seem right.

There is a poem by E. E. Cummings that states:  carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) and there is a song that Pete Yorn sings that says: I keep thinking of you, you’re on my mind, for the fifty seven thousandth time this morning. Both of these do well to illustrate why it’s right or okay to not miss someone while they are away. If you are my friend, my lover, my family, you are with me always. I carry your heart with me and I am never without it. You are on my mind and I keep thinking of you. How can I miss you if even when I dream you are right beside me, every step of the way? I talk to you all the time and I can envision just how it will be when I see you again. You may not be here with me in a tangible state but you are always with me. So really, don’t worry if I don’t miss you while you are off somewhere other than here.

whether I miss you or not, I still love you

Now for the other half of the original conundrum; it’s a little bit harder to explain. I don’t have a handy poem or a song that springs to mind to help me illustrate what I mean. But I think you can probably all imagine or remember this feeling. You are with someone, you spend time together but you’re not really connecting. You realize you miss them. You might be sitting in the same room when that overwhelming feeling of, oh I don’t know what to call it, kind of like “homesickness” hits you. This seems like it can only be a bad thing. But I don’t think that’s true. If you are my friend, my lover, my family, you are indeed always with me in my heart, in my mind, in my soul. That doesn’t mean that I always know what you’re thinking or feeling. It doesn’t mean that I get to spend enough time with you. It doesn’t mean that even though you are physically right beside me I couldn’t do with being a little closer to you. I get a “pang” when you and I part ways in the parking lot. I get a little misty sometimes when I look at you over there on the other end of the couch. Sometimes I think it sucks, this idea that I can miss you while you’re right here. But sometimes I let it remind me of just how much I love you, how deeply I care for you. And it makes me smile. It makes me realize that as close as I am to you, I love you so much that I would gladly be closer.

Categories: family, friendship, music | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “thinking of you

  1. First you get me weepy over at Debra’s, now you get me weepy here. Stop that.

    No, don’t. 🙂

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